“Why Didn’t You Just Leave?” — On Sharing My Story

August 8, 2026

Maree-Nicole

Clinical Hypnotherapist - Life Coach - Reiki Master
Number 1 Best Seller Author of I See You

Content warning: this post discusses domestic violence and coercive control.

I recently sat down for a conversation on the Honestly, me too. podcast and talked, openly, about twenty years of my life inside a cycle of domestic violence — with the same person, over and over again.

It’s the first time I’ve told that part of my story publicly, in full. And the question that sits underneath almost every conversation about abuse is the one I’ve been asked more times than I can count: why didn’t you just leave?

I understand why people ask it. From the outside, it looks like a simple decision. From the inside, it never is.

What people don’t see

As a Clinical Hypnotherapist and Psychotherapist, I now spend my working life helping people recognise the patterns that kept me — and keep so many others — stuck for far longer than makes sense from the outside.

Coercive control doesn’t announce itself. It erodes a person’s sense of self so gradually that by the time you’d call it “abuse,” you’ve often stopped trusting your own read of the situation entirely. Leaving isn’t one decision.

It’s often dozens of attempts, undone by fear, finances, hope, love, and a nervous system that has learned staying feels safer than the unknown.

That’s the cycle I work with clients to interrupt now — not just the relationship itself, but the identity that gets rebuilt around it. Rebuilding who you are after that kind of erosion is slower and harder than people expect, and it’s the work closest to my heart.

Why I’m sharing this now

This conversation is the first part of a longer story, and it connects directly to the work I do through my Identity Restoration Program and my book, I See You — both born out of the same conviction: that the people living this don’t need to be told to “just leave.” They need to be seen, believed, and given a way back to themselves.

If this resonates with you, or with someone you know, I’d encourage you to listen to the full episode.

🎧 Listen to “Nicole’s Story – Part 1” on Spotify

If you or someone you know is affected by domestic or family violence, support is available 24/7 through 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or 1800respect.org.au.

You might also enjoy

Woman relaxed on her couch at home with eyes closed during an online hypnotherapy session, laptop open showing the video call — illustrating that hypnotherapy works just as well over Zoom as in person.

Do I Need to See You in Person for This to Work? Hypnotherapy via Zoom vs. Face-to-Face

Yes — hypnotherapy works just as effectively over Zoom as it does in person, because hypnosis is a state you create yourself; my voice and guidance are simply how we get you there, and that works exactly the same through a screen as it does across a room. I get some version of this question in almost every first phone call: “This is going to sound strange, but… does it actually work over video? Don’t you need to, like, be in the room with me?” It’s a completely fair question, and if it’s the thing quietly stopping you from booking, I want to answer it properly. Where this assumption comes from Most of what people picture when they imagine hypnosis comes from stage shows or old movies — a swinging watch, a hypnotist’s stare, something being done to someone. If that’s the picture in your head, then of course being in the

oman standing alone in her kitchen in the evening, pouring a glass of wine, looking tired and lost in thought — symbolising the automatic habit of drinking to unwind after a long day

Why Do I Always Say “Just One” and Have Five? Hypnotherapy for Drinking

Why do you always tell yourself “just one” and end up finishing the bottle? It’s 6pm and the glass is already in your hand before you’ve really decided to pour it. You told yourself last night would be the last “just because it’s Friday” night. You told yourself this morning you’d have an easy week. And yet here you are again, glass one turning into glass three, the same quiet promise to yourself sitting somewhere underneath it: tomorrow I’ll cut back. If that’s you, I want to say something first: this isn’t a willpower problem, and it isn’t a character flaw. Somewhere along the way, a part of you learned that a drink is how you switch off, how you numb the noise, how you get through the end of a long day — and that part of you has been doing its job faithfully, exactly the way it learned to.

Woman lying awake in bed at night under warm lamp light, eyes open and unable to sleep — symbolising insomnia and a wired, exhausted nervous system.

Why Can’t I Switch My Brain Off at Night? Hypnotherapy for Insomnia

Yes — hypnotherapy is one of the most direct ways to work with insomnia, because it calms the exact nervous system response that’s keeping your mind wired at the moment you most need it to rest. It’s midnight, then it’s 1am, then you’ve stopped checking the clock because knowing the number only makes it worse. Your body is exhausted — heavy, aching for sleep — but your mind has other plans. It’s replaying the day, drafting tomorrow’s to-do list, circling back to a conversation from three weeks ago for no reason at all. You know you’ll pay for this tomorrow. Knowing hasn’t made it stop. If you’ve tried the magnesium, the sleep hygiene checklist, the blackout curtains and the “no screens an hour before bed” and you’re still lying there wide awake most nights — you’re not doing it wrong. You’re dealing with a nervous system that hasn’t gotten the

Woman standing apart at a social gathering, looking watchful and distant while holding a wine glass — symbolising the feeling of social anxiety even while present.

Why Do I Replay Every Conversation Afterwards? Hypnotherapy for Social Anxiety

Yes — hypnotherapy is an effective, evidence-informed way to work with social anxiety, because it goes to the subconscious pattern driving it rather than just managing the symptoms on the surface. It’s 11 pm, and you’re doing it again. Running back through the conversation from the work drinks earlier. The thing you said that landed weird. The pause before someone laughed. The way a friend’s face changed for half a second, and you’re still not sure what it meant. You’ve analysed it from every angle. You’ve decided you probably said too much. Or not enough. Or the wrong thing entirely. Meanwhile the other people in that conversation are almost certainly not thinking about it at all. Maybe you’ve cancelled plans because you couldn’t face “performing” all evening. Maybe you’ve gone quiet in a group so nobody would have a reason to notice you. Maybe your heart starts racing before you’ve